Sex, Scandals, and Living our Truth

What deeper truth(s) are you denying? What is that likely costing you?

So many of us haven’t been confessing our socially-awkward truths for a long time, around a lot of things, but especially around sexuality. Not to the people around us, and often not even to ourselves. We’re persistently denying deeply-stirring desires, hiding fears and insecurities, and constantly fabricating convenient stories to maintain a safe status quo. Maybe it’s your sexuality you’re consistently repressing in some way. Maybe it’s a job or relationship in which you’re NOT honoring your deeper longings, instead rationalizing to yourself that the tight, constricted feelings you wake up to everyday are a necessary trade off for the security and comfort you think you have.

In so doing, we completely suppress the ancient, natural rhythms within that will ultimately not be denied and might even deliver us into much more fulfilling lives.

I’m not advocating for sexually promiscuity or that you simply leave an unsatisfying relationship. I’m just suggesting that we get real with who we are in these bodies.

You think Anthony Weiner and Elliot Spitzer – and millions of others – wouldn’t appreciate being able to confess their passions openly AND respectfully? And still serve their communities in countless ways without their sexuality being an issue? Our politicians routinely invest in and legislate for companies that profit from war, rape environments, harm our food supply, and pillage third-world countries … yet we cut off their heads only when we catch them with their pants down? … so to speak.

Life only blows up in our faces because we’re so disconnected from our authentic truths.

We create huge gaps between our illusions and the truth. We fill these gaps with complete crap – dreary jobs, unsatisfying relationships, addictions, reality TV – that doesn’t serve our highest good and only draws us further away from our authentic truth. When the truth finally does emerge, that gap suddenly slams shut with an explosive force like a psychological atom bomb that pulverizes false mental worlds into charred wreckage strewn wild with anger, disappointment, resentment, even rage.

I’ve been going through an intense gap collapse on this 30-day woman fast, particularly noticing how much my internal shame works to deny my authentic sexuality.

If you’re with me on Facebook, you may have noticed me screaming from my status rooftop how deeply I enjoy making love in all its forms, from physical to spiritual. I’ve been asking a larger world to witness my confession – and renunciation – of some long-held crazy beliefs that there’s something perverse and wrong about me, just because I have a strong sex-drive.

If I hadn’t been hiding this truth in all the ways I do – mostly pretending I’m NOT attracted to or aroused by women when I genuinely am – then I wouldn’t have to shout this from any rooftop. I also would have never stayed in a relationship for 4 years with a woman who enthusiastically reinforced my shame around these natural rhythms in my body.

Telling the truth about who we are is something we must do every day if we want to live an authentic life. It’s not something we do once and then go back to pretending everything fits again in our cute little boxes. The longer we wait to confess the truth, the bigger that gap gets, and the more bullshit we fabricate to fill that gap … and the bigger goes that inevitable BOOM!

I know this is a tricky subject, telling the truth. That’s why I’m writing a book about it. Tell The Truth, Let The Peace Fall Where It May (publish date?) is a courageous exploration into what living our truth can look like.

“It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.”   ~ Krishnamurti

If we’re going to reclaim our genuine well-being, we need to start telling the truth about who we really are every day, and indeed, let the peace fall where it may.

What deeper truth(s) are you denying? What is that likely costing you?

obama gay

C’mon, Obama!!! Live your truth!!! :))))))



A former US Air Force Captain, Bryan Reeves has survived multiple dark nights of the soul and done really stupid things with women that he deeply regrets and has learned a great deal from. Bryan is now a Life Coach & Relationship Coach for men, women, and couples, and is the author of the viral blog, "Choose Her Every Day (or Leave Her)," at

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Posted in Authenticity, Self-Discovery, Sexuality, Telling The Truth
2 comments on “Sex, Scandals, and Living our Truth
  1. […] male! But I’ve suffered in countless ways to hide my natural attractions, simply because we live in a culture pathologically shy about its penises and vaginas. We’ve come a long way over the centuries, but we have a long way yet to go. We’ll know the […]

  2. […] nothing wrong with masturbation. I also don’t believe in sexual shame. But modern pornography can be a serious detriment to everyone, not just to men, but to the women […]

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