The One R-rated Key to Living an Authentically Awesome Life … plus 9 more PG-13 Keys.

1) Life Begins at F#@k It!

Authenticity and Awesome happen the moment you stop trying to control the world around you … a futile exercise, anyway. So often, we only arrive at this thrilling jumping off point after we’ve exhausted every manipulative strategy imaginable to make the world show up the way we want it to … and it still hasn’t. Why not just accept right now that you’ve never actually controlled the outside world in a meaningful way and surrender to the same force(s) that holds galaxies together and makes hearts beat and creates puppies and oceans and DMT. The most wondrous things in your life probably happened mostly by remarkable circumstance outside your control, anyway. Now, this isn’t about giving yourself permission to do stupid, irresponsible things, or to be lazy. You didn’t come here to hurt people or watch TV for 80 years. No, this is about following the otherwise unheeded yearnings that stir passionate and deep in your aching heart. As Abraham Esther-Hicks says, follow the “Hell Yes!” and live the juicy life you REALLY came here to live. You don’t need anyone’s permission. And you can’t control or even know the consequences of ANYTHING you choose to do! Every path you choose ultimately leads to your death, anyway. So just say, “F#@k It!” already and get on with it!

That’s it, the One R-rated Key to living an awesome, authentic life. Everything else flows from there.

Why then do I need to offer 9 more? I don’t. But it’s fun and I love writing and there’s some really juicy distinctions inside of “F#@k it!” sooooooo …

2) Follow the Hell Yes! … or let it be a Hell No!

In the movie, Matrix, Neo was instructed to follow the White Rabbit. Following that little sexy White Rabbit tattoo got him out of his dank pit of existential despair where he wasn’t going to learn anything and into the exhilarating world beyond where he would run into his magnificent destiny. Your White Rabbit is all the little Hell Yes!’s that show up in the face of choice. If you just get still and tune in to your mind AND body, you’ll feel an expansion in one direction or another; or it might just feel like relief … but not that lazy, escapism kind of relief. Genuine relief. That Hell Yes! – though it may be subtle – will guide you towards your highest good in any moment, and thus the highest good of others, too. And if some choice is NOT a Hell Yes! at the moment, then let it be a Hell No! Which doesn’t mean that choice will never be right for you; it just means it’s not right for you right now.

In other words, suffering isn’t just A choice, it is YOUR choice. … Also, you can always follow my momma’s advice: when in doubt, do nothing.

p.s. Ladies, let your “maybe/not sure” in bed = NO!

3) Fully Embrace Your Sexuality

Sexuality is the reason you’re here. It’s also possibly the most powerful energy coursing through your body. Shame around your sexuality is kryptonite to your inner superhero. Life only happens because sex happens. In fact, Life is making love to itself, non-stop … I don’t just mean the baboons, homosapiens, and remarkably sensual leopard slugs that are constantly combining to create new versions of themselves. Look even closer: every new moment that comes into existence is borne of whatever realities were interacting in the moment just before. Life is f#@king constantly. And when Life suppresses that energy – as only we humans seem inclined to do – it stagnates and begins to die.

Embracing your sexuality doesn’t mean always indulging it. Byron Katie said, “just because a man has an erection doesn’t mean he has to do anything with it.” Embracing your sexuality simply means dropping the shame you almost certainly feel around it, whether single or in a relationship. I’ve been ashamed most of my life for having robust sexual energy … and I’m a fairly normal heterosexual male! But I’ve suffered in countless ways to hide my natural attractions, simply because we live in a culture pathologically shy about its penises and vaginas. We’ve come a long way over the centuries, but we have a long way yet to go. We’ll know the real sexual revolution has happened when we are no longer afraid to acknowledge the wild sexual rhythms running feral and whimsical through our fascinating human bodies. We also won’t feel like we have to indulge it just because we feel it.

Stop squashing and squandering your sexuality. Embrace it. Wield it respectfully.* Let it supercharge your life!

*If your sexual attractions are genuinely inappropriate, just don’t indulge them and proactively seek help. But know that shame doesn’t serve you. It won’t make your attractions go away and will probably only empower them. Get help BEFORE you do something that hurts others.

4) Be Endlessly Curious

Want to know the punchline to the great Cosmic joke? … There is no punchline. And that’s the punchline (psychedelic mushrooms taught me this, and I believe them).

Question everything. Even – and especially – your own thoughts. Nobody on this planet knows what’s really going on. Not the Christians or the Jews or the Muslims or the Politicians or the Scientists or the Gurus, not the Poets nor the Artists. Not even Sting. The joy is in the journey because there is no destination, not even for knowledge. Scientists build bigger and bigger atom smashers thinking that’ll lead to conclusive answers. But they always only lead to more questions. Look, we’re wandering through a vast and unfathomably empty space on the seat of a giant wet rock, coming from nowhere on our way to nowhere. The smartest of us is guessing at best. Just keep asking questions. Peel back the endless layers. Why? Because the deeper you go, the more beauty you can see everywhere, and the more rich and rewarding life gets. And you’ll laugh more.

Because when you get the no-punchline punchline to the cosmic joke, that shit is hilarious!

5) Give Up Being Anti-Anything

Being against anything requires stressful energy, and it never really works, anyway. Just look at our obsession for waging ineffective wars against stuff that never disappears: Terrorism / Drugs / Poverty / Crime / Prostitution. You didn’t come to this planet to make things go away. You came here to express the life flowing through you and create beauty in the world, to help humanity awaken to its true nature … whatever that may be. So just be FOR stuff. It will make you much more interesting to be around, and probably nicer, too. Want to take on poverty? … be FOR prosperity for all. Crime? … be FOR strong education and economic opportunity for everyone. Prostitution? … well, first go get laid and relax, then just get back to creating your life’s art.

Side effect of giving up being against anything: less war.

6) Don’t Push The River

Have you ever tried to pull a caterpillar out of its cocoon, hoping to catch an early glimpse of the butterfly? Or ripped open the closed bud of a spring flower, desperate to experience its full bloom glory? Probably not. I’ll bet, however, that you’ve eaten raw cookie dough before baking the cookie. But if you always did that, you’d never experience the sweet succulent warmth of crispy melting chocolate-flavored heaven swarming your taste-buds and rocking your entire being with orgasmic waves of sensual bliss. If cookie dough were truly better than the actual cookie, there would never have been cookies. Just cookie dough.

This insidious belief – that what you want to happen simply must happen for the world to be at peace, function efficiently, spin, be round, be fun, be easy, be safe, love you, protect you, entertain you, etc – it’s a lie. Life has a far bigger imagination than you do. It’s never needed you pushing it around before! Yet it’s amazing how often we force our will on life around us, ripping open cocoons and flower buds, pushing rivers, insisting some particular thing happen as if we know what’s best for the Universe.

You might force something into fruition, at least technically. But that forceful approach typically leaves a wake of resentment and disconnection, sometimes subtle, sometimes obvious, between you and the world around you that probably wasn’t been part of your original vision. Anyway, the contentment you’re really hungering for is what Benedictine Monk, David Steindl-Rast, described as “that kind of happiness that doesn’t depend on what happens.

Our impatience is wrecking our only home, Planet Earth. And we routinely damage our relationships when people don’t do what we want them to do. We’re so busy trying to rip open the bud to hurry and enjoy the flower’s fragrance and wild beauty that we completely miss the beauty and wondrous miracle of the life-holding bud itself.

So don’t push the river. Flow with it instead.

7) Ignore All Haters, Doubters, and Bullies

They’re not living your life. You are. They’re as clueless as anyone, anyway. They’re just hating and doubting to mask their own fear. In fact, have compassion for them. They’re mortified. Bullying only makes the fearful feel powerful. Anyone genuinely unafraid of you won’t feel the need to tear you down. Haters, doubters and bullies are miserable.

Happy, authentic people are too busy creating awesome lives to have time for criticizing yours.

8) Be Willing To Fail

Wise music artist Ash Ruiz once reminded me, “the point of life isn’t to get the dream job or the perfect spouse or the nice house. The point is to wake up.” Everything in the world around and outside you is a detail that will shift and change throughout your life. People, careers, money, rewards, validation, circumstances, victories, defeats – all will happen, have their moment with you, and then go. My friend Catherina said, the only true failure is not being willing to fail. There is really no such thing as failure. You can’t do it wrong. You can only decide not to do it. Throughout your life, if you will stay with the question “What can I learn from this?”, then you’ll learn from absolutely everything, even the worst of so-called mistakes. My first book, Tell The Truth, Let The Peace Fall Where It May, was borne of a significant relationship in which I f#@ked things up massively.

Failure is an illusion. You are walking success.

9) Stop Lying About What You Can Afford

Humanity lives in a scarcity paradigm, always thinking there isn’t enough. This keeps us perpetually worried, over-protective, unsatisfied, and living small. In the face of things we want to experience, we’ll often say, “No, I don’t have enough money / time / courage / smarts / etc. to do that.” But that’s bullshit. That’s just another way of saying, I’m more committed to my belief in scarcity than I am to having that experience. Tony Robbins says, “we get what we must have.”

From now on, start asking yourself this empowering question: “Can I afford NOT to?

Getting clear about the real costs of NOT doing something truly interesting to you just might be the leverage needed to get your worried ass off your scarcity couch.

10) Always Remember You Are Descended from the Stars

You are literally conscious stardust. The elemental particles in your body were forged countless millennia ago in the fiery cauldrons of the early universe. Your body is literally the stuff of exploding stars carried on comets pounded into earth, and now, finally, come alive. There’s nothing wrong with you. Sure, tune your body instrument. Improve your skills and knowledge. It’s fun to see what these bodies can really do when we push their limits. But don’t think for a second that you, the end-product of billions of years of evolutionary dance, are somehow a corrupted file.

You’re already perfect. So quit worrying and get back to creating the wondrous art of your unique lifetime.

######### Bryan Reeves ########

Subscribe Blog - Article Bottom

golden key

A former US Air Force Captain, Bryan Reeves has survived multiple dark nights of the soul and done really stupid things with women that he deeply regrets and has learned a great deal from. Bryan is now a Life Coach & Relationship Coach for men, women, and couples, and is the author of the viral blog, "Choose Her Every Day (or Leave Her)," at

Tagged with: , , , , , , ,
Posted in Authenticity, Celebration!, Impermanence, Self-Discovery, Sexuality, The Journey
16 comments on “The One R-rated Key to Living an Authentically Awesome Life … plus 9 more PG-13 Keys.
  1. Bryan, This blog is so f*&!ing good that I’ve quoted you and shared all over my FB and for my upcoming courses. There is so much truth here, it’s filled with quotables. Thank you for so succinctly saying how I live, what I believe and what I teach. Rock on! Xo

    • Bryan Reeves says:

      Heather, thank you for the acknowledgement – I appreciate it. I’d love to see where you’re displaying it (mostly for my own vanity’s sake 🙂 … where can I find you?

  2. Tricia says:

    What a welcomed piece of insight. I enjoy reading your thoughts. Gentle reminders and instruction on how to BE.
    Thank you.

  3. […] lesson I’m obviously still learning, a subject I even blogged about recently and will again soon (Follow Your Hell Yes!) … but I’m human, too, and therefore as susceptible to acting out my own insanity as […]

  4. Kirza Lopez says:

    It’s amazing when the universe throws at you the exact words you where looking for to move you foward. I loved everything about this blog! Thankyou for your wisdom. 🙂

    • Bryan Reeves says:

      Hi Kirza. I’m grateful you said so. I never know how people will take what I write, and it’s satisfying to know that this blog – which I had fun writing – served you powerfully. Bryan.

  5. tangodenise says:


    Thank you so much for being the kind of coach that lives at the edge of your own truth!

    Your writing touches me deeply as it reflects my own truths as well and you write them so well and boldly that I don’t feel so alone… or weird…

    I used to be a coach a few years ago…and stopped coaching because I felt like I needed to stop trying to help others when I felt so far on the edge, and just stay present to my own life…which is shifting in unimaginable and pretty wonderful ways.

    It was the right choice at the time actually…but I suspect there will be a time when I will come full circle and coaching will be at least a part of my contribution again.

    Anyway, just wanted to say THANKS! Love your authenticity, your courage amd your blog!

    • Bryan Reeves says:

      Denise (?) thanks so much for your thoughtful comment. Your comment reminds me, too, that I am not alone in this, either!!! So thank you : ) … And yes, I use that phrase a lot: “living on the edge of my truth” … that’s where I seem to love being, fascinating and sometimes terrifying though it may be. So far mostly so good, though : ) … I’ll check out your blog as well. And thanks again for showing up. Bryan

  6. tangodenise says:

    Reblogged this on Body Soul and Tango and commented:
    Just LOVE Bryan Reeves blog! Could not agree more! Had to share!

  7. Margus Waffa says:

    Dangerous anarchistic stuff you write,
    anarchistic in a way that it easily leads to remove boundaries that some of them seem important to pay attention before wild jump in to mind realms.
    Pushing people to think that no one knows and no one knows more then others is one of the problems for me in this world as it gives easy road to these who might be source of trouble makers here.
    There is label called “useful idiot ” have you heard about it ? Can it be… that telling things like we are nothing.. (that sounds true for some after few trips) we might end up to be one of these…

    As collective the Jews and other Abrahamics, shamans and poets DO know a lot more, and among them is the ones who know a lot lot,
    We talking about people who have been in realms on earth time over 20 years or so… can you imagine ?

    And have not really seen, that they want to turn in to mind set, that we are cosmic dust or useless or importantless.

    If you are able to stay wordy to your women to the end of life.. or long time at least and have not many situations where she is to mad at you then you are right …
    just know, She knows your mind and much more inside out, places where you trip is from where they are from, one smart Christian put it easy way: God is your father in law
    (and compared to HER we might be a dust, just do not drag Her on to our level, … we can be thanks to Her)

  8. Margus Waffa says:

    DO you think two males having sex can be as spiritually significant as women allowing to have sex with spiritual man?

  9. […] The One R-rated Key to Living an Authentically Awesome Life … plus 9 more PG-13 Keys […]

  10. tashi says:

    the only place where I seriously disagree with this is where “F#@k it” is used to avoid responsibility, to abandon commitments. Your advice is wonderfully applicable to men who have no responsibilities toward others, who care only for their own needs and wants and who have absolutely no one dependent on them- which to my mind means you’re writing about boys who see themselves only as the heroes of their own story, not men interdependent with the world around them who bear any concern or responsibility for the well being of anyone else. Being a narcissist is an amazingly freeing feeling, ya?

    • Bryan Reeves says:

      I completely agree. However, Tashi, please notice that I did write: “Now, this isn’t about giving yourself permission to do stupid, irresponsible things, or to be lazy. You didn’t come here to hurt people or watch TV for 80 years.”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: